The Love Dare Bible Study - Session 2, Part 1

The Power of Influence

If you are not leading your heart, then someone or something else is. The people you listen to and the influences you allow into your life impact your very destiny as a couple.

Ignite

If the last week challenged you, realize that you have an enemy who detests your choosing to participate in this journey of demonstrating genuine love. You also have a God whose power is greater and who will honor your commitment to your marriage.

" ⁷ Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. ⁸ Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." James 4:7-8

Love Dare – Day 1 & Day 2 challenged us to express genuine love through Patience and Kindness.

What is Patience? (Patience is where love meets wisdom.)

When you choose to be patient, you respond in a positive way to a negative situation.

Patience helps you give your spouse permission to be human. It understands that no one is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.

"See that no one repays another with evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another." 1 Thessalonians 5:15

Few of us do patience very well, and none of us do it naturally. But wise men and women will pursue it as an essential ingredient to their marriage relationship.

What is Kindness? (Kindness is love in action.)

If patience is how love reacts in order to minimize a negative circumstance, kindness is how love acts to maximize a positive circumstance.

Patience avoids a problem; Kindness creates a blessing.

Patience is preventive; Kindness is proactive.

4 Core ingredients of Kindness: Gentleness, Helpfulness, Willingness, and Initiative.

Your spouse needs to be shown love (patience and kindness) most when they deserve it the least. It is at those times that your expression of love will speak the loudest to them. It is easy to show love when your receiving love in return. It is not so easy to show love when you're not receiving love in return. That is why it means so much when someone returns good for evil. It can change the atmosphere and turn things around.

Is it easy or difficult to demonstrate Patience and Kindness? Why?

The influences around you can directly affect the success of your marriage.

Let's look together at both the positive and negative influences on our lives and our love.

Which of these influences pose the greatest threat to marriages today?

___Media/Internet    ___Money/Debt    ___Work        ___Other

___Relationships    ___Schedules        ___Recreation

Which ones also have potential for positive impact on relationships?

It is up to us to minimize negative influences and maximize positive influences.

Living The Love Dare
This Week: Read and Do - Day 3, Day 4, and Day 5.

The Love Dare Bible Study - Session 1, Part 1

Leading Your Heart

Ignite

1. The Fireproof movie is a major part of our time together. If a movie were to be made about your life, what genre would it be? Why?

___Thriller ___Action/Adventure ___Tragedy ___Horror        

___Drama ___Romantic Comedy ___Love Story

Who would play you? ______________________

Who would play your spouse? _______________________

(No bad casting allowed!)

Humorous episodes…dramatic scenes…thrilling mysteries still unfolding – we're all in different "acts" and "scenes" in our marriages. No matter where you are or where you think you or your spouse ought to be, you have been invited into a unique and life-changing process: a journey of exploring and demonstrating genuine love, even when your desire is dry and your motives are low.

Moment-by-moment, it seems, our culture bombards us with different messages about love.

2. In General, what do you think our society is saying to us about what love is? About following our hearts?

What phrases, titles, or situations from media (songs, movies, TV) promote the idea of following your heart?

"If love is just this overwhelming emotion that we can do absolutely nothing about, then no marriage is safe" – Voddie Baucham

When you think about the state of your own heart right now, which of these words come to mind?

___cold ___cynical ___open ___joyful ___weary ___angry ___exhilarated other:______________

According to James 3:14-15, how might an angry or bitter heart take an individual (and a marriage) in the wrong direction?

"But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic." (NKJ)

Following our hearts would be good if our hearts were always loving, in tune with God and desirous of the right thing. However, since as humans we are self-centered, prideful, and often deceived, following our hearts may not always lead us to do the right thing.

Describe a time you followed your heart and regretted it later.

Gear Up

(Movie clip 1)

3. In your opinion, what does Caleb Holt believe it means to be "in love"?

4. Why do you think Lieutenant Michael Simmons said, "When most people promise, 'for better or for worse', they really only mean, 'for the better'?"

5. Think back to your wedding day and the exchange of rings and vows. Were you committing to love your spouse unconditionally, for a lifetime? How's it going?

Following our hearts often means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment. Our emotions and feelings can be deceptive, leading us down the wrong path. Proverbs 16:25 cautions: "There is a way that seems right to a man, but its end is the way of death." (NKJ)

Your heart follows your investments because your investments are those things in which you pour your time, money, and energy. It makes sense that they will draw your heart because your investments reflect your priorities.

6. If last week was typical for you, use it to evaluate your investments. In which of these areas did you invest significant time, energy, or money? Try to recall actual percentages of time spent and related activities.

___Job ___Hobby (specify) ___Retirement ___Spouse

___Children ___Church ___Friends ___Status/Wealth

-How does your actual use of time, energy, and money match your stated priorities?

(Movie Clip 2)

7. Based on Michael's advice to Caleb, what had Michael learned about the heart?

Leading your heart
means:

-Taking full responsibility for your heart's condition and direction.

-Realizing that you have control over where your heart is.

-Asking God for the power to guard or protect your heart by taking it off the wrong things and setting it on the right things.

If you choose to lead your heart to invest in your spouse, then your spouse is more likely to become your treasure.

8. In the above list, circle the action(s) you will try. Pray about the italicized statement.

Love is a decision and not just a feeling. It is selfless, sacrificial, and transformational. And when love is truly demonstrated as it was intended, your relationship can change for the better.

-Additional "Leading your heart" scriptures:

1 Kings 8:61        Proverbs 23:17, 19, 26    John 14:27-28        

Philippians 2:3    2 Timothy 2:22        James 4:8, 5:8

The Love Dare - Appendix IV

Leading Your Heart

What Is The Heart?

Your Identity. Your heart is the most important part of who you are. It is the center of your being, where the "real you" resides. "The heart of man reflects man" (Proverbs 27:19). As a person "thinks in his heart, so is he" (Proverbs 23:7).

Your Center. Since your physical heart is in the center of your body and sends life-giving blood out to every living cell, the word "heart" has been used for centuries to describe the core starting place of all your thoughts, beliefs, values, motives, and convictions.

Your Headquarters. Your heart is the Pentagon of your operations. As a result, every area of your life is impacted by the direction of your heart.

What's Wrong With Following My Heart?

It's foolish. The world says "Follow your heart!" This is the philosophy of new age gurus, self-help seminars, and romantic pop songs. Because it sounds romantic and noble, it sells millions of records and books. The problem is that following your heart usually means chasing after whatever feels right at the moment whether or not it actually is right. It means throwing caution and conscience to the wind and pursuing your latest whims and desires regardless of what good logic and counsel are saying. The Bible says, "He who trusts in his own heart is a fool, but he who walks wisely will be delivered" (Proverbs 28:26).

It's Unreliable. People forget that feelings and emotions are shallow, fickle, and unreliable. They can fluctuate depending upon circumstances. In an effort to follow their hearts, people have abandoned their jobs to reignite a lousy garage band, lost their life savings following a whim on a horse race, or left their lifelong mate in order to chase an attractive coworker who's been married twice already. What feels right in the height of sweet emotion often feels like a sour mistake a few years later. This selfish philosophy is also the source of countless divorces. It leads many to excuse themselves from their lifelong commitments because they no longer "feel in love."

It's Corrupt. The truth is, our hearts are basically selfish and sinful. The Bible say, "The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?" (Jeremiah 17:9). Jesus said, "Out of the heart come evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, slanders" (Matthew 15:19). Unless our hearts are genuinely changed by God, they will continue to choose wrong things.

Why Is Following My Heart Not Enough?

Because our hearts are so subject to change and so utterly untrustworthy, the Scriptures communicate a much stronger message than "follow you heart." The Bible instructs you to lead your heart. This means to take full responsibility for its condition and direction. Realize that you do have control over where your heart is. You have been given the power by God to take your heart off one thing and to set it on something else. The following verses all communicate a message of leading your heart:

Proverbs 23:17 "Do not let your heart envy sinners."

Proverbs 23:19 "Direct you heart in the way."

Proverbs 23:26 "Give me your heart, my son, and let your eyes delight in my ways."    

I Kings 8:61 "Let your heart therefore be wholly devoted to the Lord our God."

John 14:27 "Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful."

James 4:8 "Purify your hearts."

James 5:8 "Strengthen your hearts."

How Do I Lead My Heart?

First, you need to understand that your heart follows your investment. Whatever you pour your time, money, and energy into will draw your heart. This was true before you were married. You wrote letters, bought gifts, and spent time together as a couple, and your heart followed. When you stopped investing as much in the relationship and started pouring yourself into other things, your heart followed you there. If you are not in love with your spouse today, it may be because you stopped investing in your spouse yesterday.

Check your heart. One of the keys to successfully leading your heart is to constantly be aware of where it is. Do you know what has your heart right now? You can tell by looking at where your time has gone in the past month, where your money has gone, and what you keep talking about.

Guard your heart. When something unhealthy tempts your heart, it is your responsibility to guard it against temptation. The Bible says, "Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23). Don't let your heart put money or your work above your spouse and family. Don't let your heart lust after the beauty of another woman (Proverbs 6:25). The Bible says, "If riches increase, do not set your heart on them" (Psalms 62:10).

Set your heart. The apostle Paul taught, "Set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God" (Colossians 3:1). It's time to identify where your heart needs to be and then choose to set your heart on those things. You say, "But I don't really want to invest in my marriage, I'd rather be doing this or that." I know. You've set your heart on that in the past and you are stuck in a "follow your heart" mentality. But you don't have to let your feelings lead you any more. Lust is when you set your heart on something that is wrong and forbidden. You can choose to take your heart off the wrong things and set it on what is right.

Invest your heart. Don't wait until you feel like doing the right thing. Don't wait until you feel in love with your spouse to invest in your relationship. Start pouring into your marriage and investing where your heart is supposed to be. Spend time with your spouse. Buy gifts. Write letters. Go on dates. The more you invest, the more your heart will value your relationship. This is what the Love Dare is all about – forty days of leading your heart back to loving your spouse.