Friday, July 30, 2010

God's Purpose for Marriage (Lesson 1: Part 1)

Introduction:

How making sure God is the center of your marriage and praying together daily can have a huge impact on your relationship with your spouse and bring you closer to God.

The relation between husband and wife directly correlates with the relation between Christ and the church.

What is marriage?

"The union of two individuals at the deepest possible level and in all areas, which in turn brings the greatest possible sense of fulfillment to the couple and at the same time, serves best the purposes of God for their lives." Gary Chapman

A. Marriage is a covenant
between a man, a woman, and God

Webster's definition of "Covenant"

1. A signed written agreement between two or more parties (nations) to perform some action.

2. (Bible) an agreement between God and his people in which God makes certain promises and requires certain behavior from them in return.

Covenant a contract or agreement between two parties. In the Old Testament the Hebrew word _berith_ is always thus translated. _Berith_ is derived from a root which means "to cut," and hence a covenant is a "cutting," with reference to the cutting or dividing of animals into two parts, and the contracting parties passing between them, in making a covenant (Gen. 15; Jer. 34:18, 19). The corresponding word in the New Testament Greek is _diatheke_, which is, however, rendered "testament" generally in the Authorized Version. It ought to be rendered, just as the word _berith_ of the Old Testament, "covenant." This word is used (1) of a covenant or compact between man and man (Gen. 21:32), or between tribes or nations (1 Sam. 11:1; Josh. 9:6, 15). In entering into a convenant, Jehovah was solemnly called on to witness the transaction (Gen. 31:50), and hence it was called a "covenant of the Lord" (1 Sam. 20:8). The marriage compact is called "the covenant of God" (Prov. 2:17), because the marriage was made in God's name. Source: Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary.

In eastern cultures the act of cutting animals and walking between them as a sign of their covenant went on for thousands of years. They were basically saying that "If I break this covenant, may my fate be the same as the fate of these animals."

The only scripture we have found to actually mention marriage as a covenant is Malachi 2:14, however, it clearly states that God sees marriage as a sacred covenant between man, wife and God.

Malachi 2:14 (NKJ)
14
Yet you say, "For what reason?" Because the LORD has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant.


What is the purpose of marriage?

No particular order…

A. Companionship

Genesis 2:18-24 (NKJ)

18 And the LORD God said, "It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable (help meet) to him." 19 Out of the ground the LORD God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam called each living creature, that was its name. 20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

God saw that the animals were not enough for man

21
And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. 22 Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.
23 And Adam said:
"This is now bone of my bones
And flesh of my flesh;
She shall be called Woman,
Because she was taken out of Man."

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.


We all have heard one variation or another of the typical wedding vows. They always have something related to leaving the father and mother and becoming one. This does not mean you have to cut all ties with your family, but it does mean that your spouse is now supposed to be the most important person in your life. A "family" can and does consist of husband, wife, children, and in-laws but a marriage is between the husband and wife only.

You will also hear "forsaking all others" in marriage vows. Once again, this does not mean you have to turn away from all of the world as far as friends or companions, but it does mean that your spouse will now have a higher priority over all others. Your wife/husbands needs now are your main concern in life on this earth.


B. Propagation of the human race

Webster's: The spreading of something (human race) into new regions.

God commanded man to multiply and to fill the earth. He gave us dominion over every living thing for us to use as we needed. In my opinion, His plan was to see the earth's population grow so that His kingdom would be great in number.

Genesis 1:28 (NKJ)

28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."


C. Provides a forum for successfully raising children

Deuteronomy 6:5-7

5 You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.
6 "And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.

Proverbs 22:6

6 Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.


Statistics show that children raised in homes where both parents are present and are happily married are more likely to be better behaved, do better in school and have a better overall view on life. Studies have even shown that these children are more likely to be healthier, have closer friendships and even have greater chances of graduating high school and going on to live a productive fulfilling life.


D. To prevent immorality

I Corinthians 7:1-5, 8-9 (NKJ)

1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. 4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.


8 But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; 9 but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

This is essentially saying that, because people cannot control themselves and so many are having immoral sex outside of marriage, people should get married. Then they can fulfill their passions in a moral way. I am in no way saying that just because you want to be "physical" with someone, you should get married. When Paul was writing this to the Corinth church, there was so much immorality going on that this was his way of saying "If you are going to do this, at least do it properly."

Hebrews 13:4 (NKJ)

4 Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

Proverbs 5:15-20 (NKJ)

15 Drink water from your own cistern,
And running water from your own well.
16 Should your fountains be dispersed abroad,
Streams of water in the streets?
17 Let them be only your own,
And not for strangers with you.
18 Let your fountain be blessed,
And rejoice with the wife of your youth.
19
As a loving deer and a graceful doe,
Let her breasts satisfy you at all times;
And always be enraptured with her love.
20 For why should you, my son, be enraptured by an immoral woman,
And be embraced in the arms of a seductress?


E. To help us develop our spiritual lives and become more Christ-like

Ephesians 5:22-32 (NKJ)

Paul is explaining to the reader how our roles of husband and wife relate to the role of Christ and the church.

Note, Paul uses twice as many words telling husbands to love their wives as he does telling wives that they are to submit to their husbands.


22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. 24 Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, 26 that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, 27 that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. 28 So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. 30 For we are members of His body,[
a] of His flesh and of His bones. 31
"For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the
two shall become one flesh."[
b]
32 This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church.


I Peter 3:7 (NKJ) 7 Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered.


Rate Yourself on 20 Character Traits (Lesson 1: Homework)

We all know that for a healthy life (and Marriage) that is pleasing to God, "character" is important. Character is not just an abstract concept to talk about. It is much deeper than that. It is who you are when no one is looking (and when everyone is looking). It is the inside "you." Here are 20 aspects of character. How would you rank yourself on each of these? And are there other qualities that you think should be on this list? Keep this list in your Bible, refer to it, and make a note of verses for those aspects of character on which you feel that you need help.

Quality

Scripture
Reference

Real
Problem

Need
Work

Good
'n Bad

Mostly
Okay

Set the
Example

Courage

2 Corinthians 5:1-10

Honesty

Isaiah 33:14-16
Psalm 15:1-2
2 Corinthians 13:8

Reliability

1 Chronicles 9:22
1 Corinthians 4:2-4

Discipline

Galatians 5:16-26

Responsibility

Proverbs 24:11-12
Matthew 25:14-30

Tolerance

Romans 14:1-10

Vision

Matthew 19:16-30

Integrity

Leviticus 19:35-36
Psalm 25:21
Proverbs 28:6
Zechariah 8:16-17

Respect

Proverbs 9:10
Ecclesiastes 5:7, 12:13
Romans 12:16-18
Ephesians 6:5-9

Endurance

Jeremiah 29:1-14

Generosity

Deuteronomy 15:7-11
Proverbs 21:13

Perseverence

Romans 2:7-8, 5:3-4

Compassion

Luke 10:25-37
2 Kings 13:23
Ephesians 4:32

Commitment

Matthew 13:18-23
Revelation 3:14-16

Enthusiasm

1 Chronicles 13:8
Ephesians 6:5-8

Self-Sacrifice

Mark 10:42-45

Humility

Psalm 37:11, 138:6, 149:4
Proverbs 29:23
Zepheniah 3:11-12
Mark 9:33-35

Patience

Psalm 37:7-9
Lamentations 3:26-27
Galatians 6:9
James 1:19
2 Timothy 2:24

Loyalty

Proverbs 17:17
Matthew 26:33-35, 26:69-75
Exodus 17:8-13
2 Chronicles 11:13-16

Forgiving

Matthew 18:21-22
Luke 17:3-4
Mark 11:25-26

Passion

1 Samuel 17:39-52
2 Samuel 21:15 - 22:4

Know, defend & practice the 60 Christian Character Traits:

Appreciative

Creative

Fearless

Merciful

Responsible

Attentive

Decisive

Flexible

Observant

Secure

Available

Deferent

Forgiving

Optimistic

Self-controlled

Committed

Dependable

Friendly

Patient

Sincere

Compassionate

Determined

Generous

Peaceful

Submissive

Concerned

Diligent

Gentle

Perseverant

Tactful

Confident

Discerning

Honest

Persuasive

Temperate

Considerate

Discreet

Humble

Prudent

Thorough

Consistent

Efficient

Joyful

Punctual

Thrifty

Content

Equitable

Kind

Purposeful

Tolerant

Cooperative

Fair

Loyal

Resourceful

Truthful

Courageous

Faithful

Meek

Respectful

Virtuous

How can God use marriage to help us become more like Christ? (Lesson 1: Part 2)

God's primary goal is for each of us to become Christ-like or shaped into the image of Christ.

Romans 8:29 – "For whom he did foreknow, he also did predestinate to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brethren." (lead others to Christ)

Ephesians 5:21-32 (review scripture)

A husband is supposed to be an example of what it means to be Christ-like. He is to lead his wife in the ways of the Lord. Wives are to follow the leading of their husbands just as the church should follow the leading of Christ.

If God's purpose for each of our lives is for us to become more like Christ, what better tool could he use than the marriage relationship? Who better for God to use to chisel you than the person who you live with 7 days a week?

So, you can look at marriage as being a spotlight that exposes our faults, weaknesses, and imperfections. It can be difficult to be confronted with these things but it is necessary for us to become more like Christ. How can we change something that we might not be aware of?

Satan knows this and that is why he works so hard to destroy our marriages.

He has been doing this since the very 1st marriage with Adam & Eve. 1 Peter 5:8

But we don't have to let him destroy our marriages.

We need to allow God to use your spouse to build his values, attitudes, morals, and character within us.

The Bible teaches that God builds certain qualities within our lives by putting us into situations that make it difficult to show these qualities. In other words, for God to teach you real love, he'll put you in situations where it is difficult to show love. In order to teach you patience, he will put you in situations that will test your patience and teach you to trust him.

If you look at it that way, you will see that your marriage is like a laboratory for learning how to love like Jesus loves. In order for that to happen we must become completely selfless just as Jesus was.

Marriage is a life-long process designed to teach you to see the needs of another person as more important than your own.

Contrary to what a lot of people believe, marriage is not about getting our romantic and emotional needs met. It is about us meeting the needs of our spouse.

My dad has always told me, "Love is a Verb." Through the years, I have learned how true that really is.

So, to evaluate our personal success in our marriage, instead of asking ourselves, "Are my needs being met?", we need to ask ourselves, "Am I demonstrating the image and character of Jesus Christ?"

Philippians 2:2-5
"2Fulfill ye my joy, that ye be likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. 3Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves. 4Look not every man on his own things, but every man also on the things of others. 5Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus:"

Colossians 3:10-14
"10And have put on the new man, which is renewed in knowledge after the image of him that created him
: 11Where there is neither Greek nor Jew, circumcision nor uncircumcision, Barbarian, Scythian, bond nor free: but Christ is all, and in all. 12Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; 13Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. 14And above all these things put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness."

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
"4Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, 5Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; 6Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; 7Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."

Charity = Love

Suffereth long – patiently endures wrongs or difficulties without complaint

Is Kind – is charitable, compassionate, considerate, thoughtful, warm-hearted, helpful

Envieth not – is not jealous, does not look at with malice or in an evil manner

Vaunteth not itself – does not boast or brag

Is not Puffed Up – is not arrogant or proud

Does not behave Unseemly – does not behave inappropriately, is not rude

Seeketh not her own – is unselfish, does not insist on its own way

Is not easily provoked – is slow to anger, controls temper

Thinketh no evil – keeps no record of wrongs, is not resentful

Rejoiceth not in iniquity – takes no pleasure in wrongdoing

Rejoiceth in the truth – takes pleasure in the truth, sincerity, and integrity

Beareth all things – protects, does not expose the faults of others

Believeth all things – is not distrusting or suspicious, doesn't jump to conclusions

Hopeth all things – is hopeful, optimistic

Endureth all things – is persistent, doesn't give up

1 John 4:7-12
"7Beloved, let us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God. 8He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. 9In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. 10Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 11Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another. 12No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us."

Through all of these scriptures we can see how important it is for us to show love to one another. God commands it. That's how important it is to him.

Matthew 22:35-40

But why is it that a lot of people can be kind, considerate, compassionate, and treat others with respect but when they come home all of that goes out the window?

I think people get so comfortable in their marriage that they just quit trying. Maybe because it seems like too much work or they feel like they don't have to try anymore.

Think back to the beginning of your relationship with your spouse. How did you treat them back then? Were you always going out of your way to show them how much you loved them? Do you still treat them the same way as you did back then? If not, you should. Just because your married doesn't mean you can stop trying to "woo" your spouse. That is something that Justin and I have learned and it takes a conscious effort to do the things we need to do to make one another feel loved but it is definitely worth it.

We all have a deep, God given desire to feel loved and respected so let's make it a point to do all that we can to fulfill that desire for our husbands/wives by becoming more like Christ each and every day.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

What does it mean to become "One"?

The term “one flesh” comes from the Genesis account of the creation of Eve. Genesis 2:21-24 describes the process by which God created Eve from a rib taken from Adam’s side as he slept. Adam recognized that Eve was part of him—they were in fact “one flesh.” The term “one flesh” means that just as our bodies are one whole entity and cannot be divided into pieces and still be a whole, so God intended it to be with the marriage relationship. There are no longer two entities (two individuals), but now there is one entity (a married couple). There are a number of aspects to this new union.

As far as emotional attachments are concerned, the new unit takes precedence over all previous and future relationships (Genesis 2:24). Some marriage partners continue to place greater weight upon ties with parents than with the new partner. This is a recipe for disaster in the marriage and is a perversion of God’s original intention of “leaving and cleaving.” A similar problem can develop when a spouse begins to draw closer to a child to meet emotional needs rather than to his or her partner.

Emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, financially, and in every other way, the couple is to become one. Even as one part of the body cares for the other body parts (the stomach digests food for the body, the brain directs the body for the good of the whole, the hands work for the sake of the body, etc.), so each partner in the marriage is to care for the other. Each partner is no longer to see money earned as “my” money; but rather as “our” money. Ephesians 5:22-33 and Proverbs 31:10-31 give the application of this “oneness” to the role of the husband and to the wife, respectively.

Physically, they become one flesh, and the result of that one flesh is found in the children that their union produces; these children now possess a special genetic makeup, specific to their union. Even in the sexual aspect of their relationship, a husband and wife are not to consider their bodies as their own but as belonging to their partner (1 Corinthians 7:3-5). Nor are they to focus on their own pleasure but rather the giving of pleasure to their spouse.

This oneness and desire to benefit each other is not automatic, especially after mankind’s fall into sin. The man, in Genesis 2:24 (KJV), is told to “cleave” to his wife. This word has two ideas behind it. One is to be “glued” to his wife, a picture of how tight the marriage bond is to be. The other aspect is to “pursue hard after” the wife. This “pursuing hard after” is to go beyond the courtship leading to marriage, and is to continue throughout the marriage. The fleshly tendency is to “do what feels good to me” rather than to consider what will benefit the spouse. And this self-centeredness is the rut that marriages commonly fall into once the “honeymoon is over.” Instead of each spouse dwelling upon how his or her own needs are not being met, he or she is to remain focused on meeting the needs of the spouse.

As nice as it may be for two people to live together meeting each other’s needs, God has a higher calling for the marriage. Even as they were to be serving Christ with their lives before marriage (Romans 12:1-2), now they are to serve Christ together as a unit and raise their children to serve God (1 Corinthians 7:29-34; Malachi 2:15; Ephesians 6:4). Priscilla and Aquila, in Acts 18, would be good examples of this. As a couple pursues serving Christ together, the joy which the Spirit gives will fill their marriage (Galatians 5:22-23). In the Garden of Eden, there were three present (Adam, Eve, and God), and there was joy. So, if God is central in a marriage today, there also will be joy. Without God, a true and full oneness is not possible.

Below are a couple of links to one of our favorite songs about marriage.

Warren Barfield1
Warren Barfield2