In order to have a strong marriage, you must have trust. It is the foundation for a solid and stable marriage. Without it your marriage may not be able to withstand the storms of life.
Having a strong marriage built on trust will also help you to avoid many of the struggles that your marriage could possibly face.
In order to Strengthen and Build Trust in your marriage, you must be:
___Open – You must be willing to open up completely to your spouse and share your deepest and most personal feelings, concerns, and emotions. Don't hide anything from them. This doesn't mean that you have to tell them every little detail about your past or reveal every single thought or feeling that you have. You do have a right to some privacy but you must be willing to provide them with any information that could have an impact on your marriage. If there is something they want to know, tell them. They need to understand why you feel or act the way you do. Communicate with them on a daily basis. Let them know what is going on in your mind and in your heart and how it affects you. The more you open up the closer you will become. You will know each other like nobody else does and that will create a very special bond between the two of you. This is very difficult for a lot of people to do but the more you do it the easier it becomes and it is well worth the effort. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you can tell your spouse anything and it's a wonderful feeling to know that they feel like they can tell you anything as well.
___Honest/Truthful – Never lie to anyone. Telling even a "little white lie" can be damaging and place doubt in your spouse's mind and cause them to wonder what else you may be lying about. You may feel like it would be better to tell a lie to keep from hurting their feelings or to avoid starting an argument but it's better to have all the facts on the table. Sometimes the truth hurts but, in the end, it is always the better choice. It's bound to come out sooner or later so there's really no point in trying to avoid it.
___Faithful – Never let anything or anyone come between you and your spouse. This includes extramarital relationships, pornography, addictions, and even parents, friends, hobbies or anything else that could cause division in your marriage. You have to set boundaries.
___Selfless – Do what is in the best interest of your spouse and your marriage. Put away your selfish desires and make your spouse and your marriage your top priority (other than God).
___Attentive – Pay attention to what your spouse is saying and show interest (or show that you would like to be interested). Study them and be observant. Know what their likes and dislikes are. Pay attention to their moods and respond, appropriately, so that they know you are paying attention and that you care.
___Caring/Concerned – Let them know that you care about what matters to them and what happens to them and how it affects them. Also, let them know that you care about your marriage and that you will do everything you can to make it the best that it can be.
___Sympathetic/Compassionate – Share in their struggles. You may not always be able to understand or relate to what they are going through but that doesn't really matter. You don't have to understand. All you have to do is try to understand and be there for them and help them in any way that you can. Sometimes all they will need is for you to listen and show that you care.
___Comforting – Be there for you spouse when they are going through a though time. Let them know that you are going to be there for them through whatever they are facing and that they are not alone. You will go through it together.
___Supportive – Let them know that you will stand behind/beside them and help them in any way that you can. Stand up for them.
___Encouraging – Let them know that you believe in them and that you know they can do anything they set their mind to.
___Available – Always be there for your spouse when they need you. Let them know that if there is anything that they need that you will do everything that you can to be there to meet that need.
___Reliable/Dependable – If you say you are going to do something then do it. If you say you are going to be somewhere then be there. Keep your word. If you are unable to fulfill your obligation then show courtesy by letting your spouse know in a timely manner.
___Responsible – Take care of your obligations. Don't make irrational or unwise decisions. This is especially true where money is concerned. Don't do anything that would put you, your marriage, or your family in jeopardy.
___Respectful – Treat them how you would like to be treated (this is the Golden Rule). Don't insult them, make fun of them, or call them names. Don't talk down to them. Don't be too sarcastic because that can come across as being an insult even if you meant it in a joking way.
___Discreet – Be careful about what information you share about your spouse with others (especially parents). Some things just need to be kept between you and your spouse. Don't expose their faults and shortcomings to others. Only speak positively about them.
___Thoughtful – Don't do anything or make your spouse do anything that would make them uncomfortable or put them in an awkward situation. Consider your spouse's feelings in regards to your actions, decision making, or plans. Let them know that you care about how they feel about things and that you would never want to do anything that they were not in agreement with you on.
___Fair – Don't be unreasonable. Don't expect too much from your spouse. Don't be demanding. When you are having a "discussion" you must fight fair. Don't bring up past failures or bring anything else into the "discussion" that doesn't belong there. Only discuss the situation at-hand. Don't bring family or friends into it. Be open-minded and willing to accept the possibility that you might be wrong. If you are wrong, admit it and apologize. If you are not wrong, show mercy toward your spouse. Sometimes it's not a matter of who is wrong and who is right. It may just be a differing of opinion. In this case, you need to agree to disagree and just let it go.
___Tolerant – You might not understand why they act or think the way they do, but understand that we are all human and we all have our own way of doing things and our own thoughts about things (God made us that way). Don't treat them badly just for being different from you and not doing things the way you would or thinking about things the way you do.
___Temperate – Control your temper. Keep your cool. If this is difficult for you, take deep breaths, try to relax, and remind yourself that losing control will only make things worse. Ask to be given time to cool down before proceeding with a "discussion" that may involve differing views of opinion. Don't let things build up until it gets to the point where you feel like you just can't keep it inside anymore or you feel like you're going to explode. Share your thoughts and feelings regularly in a loving and respectful way so that you and your spouse can work together to resolve any issue before it becomes an even bigger issue.
___Cooperative/Compromising – Be willing to work together. Don't be so stubborn to believe that your way is the only way that things can or should be done. You have to be willing to give a little sometimes.
___Patient – Endure trying circumstances with and even temper and without protest or complaint.
___Appreciative – Let them know how thankful you are for them and for the things that they do to contribute to your marriage and family.
___Uplifting – Don't be critical or put them down. None of us are perfect. Focus on the positive and point those things out to your spouse.
___Trusting – Don't express doubt about them doing something that they said they would do. Don't question all their actions or motives. This doesn't mean that you should be naïve. It just means, don't overreact and always think the worst. If you truly feel that they are behaving in a way that could be harmful to your marriage or family, then you need to sit down and have a mature discussion about it and let them know how you feel. I'm not just talking about cheating. I'm talking about any kind of behavior that is unhealthy for a marriage.
___Forgiving – Be willing to forgive them because we are all human and we all make mistakes. It probably won't be long before you need to be forgiven for something and if you were reluctant to forgive them then they might have a harder time forgiving you.
Now go back and rate yourself on a scale from 1 to 5 (1 being Good, 5 Not so Good) and then work to improve in the areas that you are weak in.
